The Grim Adventures of Mandy in Wonderland
by Numbuh lucky 7
Summary: Alice in wonderland with Mandy as the stare. Mainly follows Disney version with references to the book as well as my own little twists. Rated T: Violence and Swearing
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** Hello everyone, Lucky Numbuh 7 hear. I'm glad you could join me on my first independent fanfiction, that's right Kamui won't be editing this (so don't be surprised if there's more mistakes than usual). I would like to thank **xScottx **and **FluffleNeCharka **for inspiring me to do this fanfic. I highly suggest you check out the fics "Blood Tea" and "Getting Away With Murder". I would also like to say that this may be a bit of a hectic fanfic since I will be placing Mandy In the 1963 (I think) Disney version of Alice in wonderland, while also referencing the actual book and throwing my own little twists in. **Reviews are appreciated.**

**Rated T for: Swearing & Violence**

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own ANY version of Alice in wonderland, OR The grim adventures of Billy and Mandy.

**Chapter 1: Down the Rabbit Hole**

The warm sun beams bathed the whole town in a peaceful summer light as a soft wind seamed to caress each surrounding building and tree, signaling another beautiful morning in Endsville... at least that's what every one wanted. In truth it was partly cloudy and there was no wind to weaken the wretched heat wave that had been plaguing the town for the past three days. The townsfolk carried out there mundane lives, going on there business with a foreboding presence hanging in the air, much like a corps dangling from a noose. So in other words, it was no different then any other day in Endsville.

Mandy (now 15 years old) strolled down the sidewalk in her bright pink dress (exactly like her old dress) trying to keep her mind of the heat. "Heh heh heh.", Mandy quickly focused her attention on the source of the all to familiar giggle. Billy, who was dressed in his usual attire, was kneeling down behind a fire hydrant. Now normally Mandy would disregard this as Billy being his usual idiot self. However today was different, today Mandy was filled with something she hadn't experienced in years, curiosity. Besides, what could take her mind off the heat better than her favorite activity, abusing small minds.

"Good morning nimrod." greeted Mandy in her usual monotone voice, only to be answered by "Shh, be very quiet, I'm watching a rabbit." As Mandy rolled her eyes she noticed something, something that would be considered a strange sight even in Endsville. Strolling merrily through the town park was a 5'' tall white rabbit, dressed in a red shirt, and cream colored vest with matching trousers and carrying a box of chocolates. The rabbit then produced a lovely silver pocket watch from his front pocket and his carefree expression quickly changed to one of fear and dread. "OH MY FUR AND WHISKERS, I'M LATE!" shouted the rabbit as he dashed down the brick path. "HOLD ON COUNT CHOCULA, I'M AFTER YOUR LUCKY CHARMS!" shouted Billy as he began his pursuit, only to be grabbed and pulled back by Mandy. "It's just a large rabbit in clothes, go be an idiot somewhere else. I hear Grim needs someone to annoy him." said Mandy, shoving Billy off as she stated her order. In moments of Billy's departure Mandy's eyes widened after realizing what had just occurred, evidently Mandy's brain was not as immune to the heat as she thought. Within seconds Mandy was sprinting down the brick path, trying frantically to find the white rabbit.

After many minutes of running Mandy finds herself at the end of the brick path and standing in front of a large dead tree. Panting heavily Mandy wipes the sweat from her brow and examines a large hole at the base of the tree. She can here the sounds of panicked running echoing from inside. Following her gut feeling she begins to crawl through the dark constricting tunnel. _Why am I even following this __stupid rabbit_ she thought to herself as she crawled across the rough stone and dirt, _It's so dark down here I can't even see my hand in front of my... _"WOAH!" exclaimed Mandy as she began to plummet down. Mandy plunged down faster and faster, picking up speed with each second. Farther and faster down she went, and then... slower and slower. As she descended deeper into the darkness she began to slow in speed until she felt like she wasn't moving at all. For a second or so, she hung in mid air surrounded by darkness. Then she began to feel herself moving once more, a strange feeling tingling through her body. She was sure that she was falling in the same direction as she was before, so why in gods name did she feel like she was falling up? Was she delusional from being in the dark for so long? Had she fallen through the center of the earth? Was the fabric of reality simply becoming undone? She couldn't be sure, all she was sure of was that off in the distance was a dim light, and she was approaching it fast.

Flailing her arm's about Mandy tumbled in mid air until she managed to straiten herself up, she clearly prefers the concept of falling feet first as apposed to landing on her head. As she came closer to the light the whole tunnel became illuminated, and she could see that she was no longer falling through the rocky tunnel she had entered, but instead was falling down a strange hallway. She noticed the walls were covered in cream colored wallpaper with chocolate brown swirls. The walls were cluttered with hundreds of tiny lit candles and crooked pictures of saltshakers, pianos, presents, tea pots, clocks, and rabbits dressed in fancy clothes, none of which looked like the one she was after. Once again Mandy felt her fall begin to slow but this time was different, this time when stopped her feat were planted firmly on a red and yellow spiral floor in a circular room. The room it self was no different than the tunnel except that it had a small corridor leading away from it. From down the corridor Mandy could hear a door slam shut, instinctively Mandy followed the sound. At the end of the hall was a large blue door with a silver handle that took up the entire corridor. Mandy opened the door to find another, slightly smaller door behind it, and then another, and another, and another. Mandy became very annoyed and felt a scowl spread across her face as she crawled through the tunnel of door frames, as it only served to remind her of her trek through the rabbit hole that had led her to this idiotic place.

Mandy emerged from the small tunnel and into a large empty room. This room had the same wallpaper as the previous room. Mandy noticed that the room only contained a large picture of fish swimming under the sea, with a small wooden door to the right of it. Both the door and picture were on the wall opposite of Mandy. Mandy rushed forward and swiftly turned the golden doorknob. "Ouch." cried the doorknob, causing Mandy to retract her hand in shock. Two dome like objects above the knob opened up to reveal silver eyes. "Whats your hurry mam?" shouted the doorknob, using the keyhole as a mouth. "I'm trying to find the white rabbit." said Mandy, regaining her dull, slightly annoyed expression. "Oh, you mean Patrick, he just came through here. See for yourself." with that the doorknob opened his mouth wide, allowing Mandy to peek through to the other side of the door to see the white rabbit, also know as Patrick, running across a wide field so fast you'd think his ass was on fire. "Great." said Mandy "Now if you could just open I should be able to catch up to him." "Oh my no, you're much to big. Simply impassable." replied the doorknob, earning a strange glare from Mandy. "Don't you mean impossible?" corrected Mandy. "Oh my no, anythings possible here. Go ahead and try the bottle." Mandy turned to see a large glass table sitting undisturbed in the middle of the room, as if it had been there the whole time. Mandy walked over to the table and picked up a small glass bottle and began looking at it intently. "What on earth are you doing miss, drink it quickly." said the doorknob. "I'm looking it over, the way my day's been going it'll probably turnout to be filled with poison." replied Mandy before taking a drink from the bottle. It was strange. The bottle held a clear liquid, yet Mandy tasted nothing, felt nothing. Nothing that is, until she began to shrink.

Now the shot glass sized bottle appeared as though it could hold 2 liters. Mandy approached the door. "Now will you let me through?" asked Mandy who was becoming increasingly furious beneath her dull expression. "Sorry." replied the doorknob, giving a soft chuckle. "I'm locked." "What... You're Locked?" said Mandy holding back her anger with all her power. "But don't worry, you've got the key. Uh... You do have the key, don't you?" "Do I look like I have a fucking key." stated Mandy sarcastically, gritting her teeth as she fought a loosing battle to control her rage. "Don't tell me you left it up on the table? Look, there it is." Mandy turned to the table just I time to see a key appear seemingly out of nowhere. This was the last straw. "You couldn't have told me that BEFORE I DRANK THAT STUPID POTION! NOW HOW AM I SUPOSE TO GET UP THERE!" shouted Mandy, revealing her fiery rage that she had tried so hard to hide. "Calm down. You could try the box." said the worried doorknob. Like clockwork an exquisite red box with golden trim appeared at her feat. Mandy opened the box to find dozens of oddly shaped cookies, all with the words _Take Me_ printed on them in icing. Mandy followed the instructions and ate a cookie. Immediately Mandy began to grow until her body had filled the room, jamming her right foot up against the door, and causing her left foot to break into the picture of the fish. In addition this caused her already large scowl to double in size. From below her right foot Mandy was able to hear a muffled sound. "De Bodle, OOSE DE BODLE!" Quickly deciphering the messages meaning, Mandy picked up the bottle between her thumb and finger and quickly drained the remaining ¾ of of the strange liquid. Just as quickly as she had became huge, Mandy shrank and plummeted to the floor, landing in the empty bottle that was now twice her size. As soon as she realized what had happened, water began to flood into the room through the hole in the picture. Within the blink of an eye water filled the large room, and as the doorknob opened his mouth to scream in fear, Mandy was swept out through the key hole and into a large ocean.

It had all happened so fast that it took Mandy a moment to fully comprehend what had happened. "Stupid doorknob wasting my time, I HOPE YOU FUCKING DROWN!" shouted Mandy in frustration. Mandy looked around through the walls of the glass bottle at the vast empty ocean, before taking a seat. She let out a defeated sigh as her scowl once again returned to her face. "This can't possible get any worst."

**End of Chapter 1.**

**Fun Facts:**

The doorknobs constant use of the phrase "Oh my no" is a reference to one of my favorite futurama characters, Professor. Farnsworth.

The reason I have decided to name the white rabbit Patrick is because St. Patrick's day takes place during March. This is a reference to the March Hare (but you probably figured that out.)

Originally I was going to have the door say "Goodbye Patrick" to Mandy, implying that he calls everyone Patrick and implying that Patrick is his name. I then decided it was needlessly complicated and that the "reference" works better as the white rabbits name.

This is the first time I've ever been able to use one of my favorite phrases "Like Clockwork"

I love the way it just roles off the tongue.

The cookies that all say "Take Me" is a reference to the Disney film where one of the pastries in the box (I only think there cookies) says "Take Me". I always thought it was a subtle drug reference. Though I could be entirely wrong.

**Thanks for reading :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Notes: **_Hello everyone I'm back. I can't believe how long it took me to get this posted. I am the king of procrastination. After checking the section for "Kiki's delivery service" (My favorite Hayao Miyazaki movie) I noticed there were only like 12 fanfics. So once this is finished I might do a fic for "Kiki's delivery service" if I get a good idea. I plan on doing more writing so hopefully I'll be posting more often. Also, I'm using the Disney song for "Walrus and the carpenter" so you should probably skip past the text for it and just listen to it on youtube._

**_P.S._**_ Keep an eye out for a "Simpsons" one shot I plan on releasing. It's mostly written but I still need to type it up._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own The grim adventures of Billy & Mandy, or Alice in Wonderland._

Mandy had been floating in the glass bottle for what felt like hours and, having not eaten since breakfast, hunger was begging to set in. _Great, I go from being trapped in a room to being stranded in an ocean, this day can't get any better _she thought sarcastically. Just then Mandy began to hear a jaunty tune float across the calm waves. "Ooooooooh the sailors life is the life for me. How I love to sail on the bounding sea, and I never ever ever do a thing about the weather for the weather never ever dose a thing for me." sang a cheerful fat dodo bird wearing a sailors hat, a red jacket with gold buttons, and smoking a pipe. The dodo was seated atop a large pumpkin and was using a yellow flamingo to row across the ocean. "Why hello there young lady." said the dodo taking notice of her presence "The name's Captain Archibald P. Dodo." continued the dodo, bowing graciously and removing his hat, revealing a single pink feather standing up on top of his head. "What, may I ask, is your name?" "None of your damn business." responded Mandy coldly. "Well None-of-your-damn-business, what brings you out here this fine morning?" asked the Dodo. Mandy gave an annoyed sigh while rubbing her temples "I'm looking for white rabbit named Patrick. He came through here but I ended up in this stupid bottle." answered Mandy in Matter-O-Fact sort of tone. "Well, that dose seem like quite the predicament but I'm afraid I haven't the time for idol conversation." stated the Dodo who was looking through a backwards telescope. "So I must be off, Tootle-pip." With that the Dodo continued to sail across the sea. "Wait you idiot! How do I get out of here!" yelled Mandy in vain, as the Dodo continued to sail away, either unable to hear her or simply choosing to ignore her. Leaving Mandy to, once again, angrily slump down inside the bobbing bottle.

The bottle fell to it's side with a loud thud. Mandy rubbed the back of her head after hitting her head on the hard glass before emerging from the bottle. She found herself standing on a large beach... The most peculiar beach she had ever seen. The sand was not golden brown or yellow, but a soft shade of blue and there were strange orange plants with red flowers scattered across the beach. Further down the beach was, what sounded like, singing. "over, under, outward, inward, bottom to the top" the words were faint at first but became more clear as Mandy approached the source. "You will never lose and no one will ever stop" Finally the source of the tune had come into view, and to Mandy's displeasure it was the very same Dodo she had seen only moments ago. He was standing atop a tall rock next to a cossie little fire while many different sea creatcher's, such as starfish, lobsters, and crabs (as well as the flamingo he had used as a paddle) constantly ran circles around his little perch. In addition to this, every few minutes a large wave that's height was just under that of the stone pillar would completely engulf the runners, and yet they wouldn't stop. "What the hell is... this?" Mandy asked herself. "Why, if it isn't None-of-your-damn-business, what brings you here! We've just started a caucus race to get dry!" shouted the Dodo. "A caucus race." said Mandy, lifting an eyebrow "Looks more like a bunch of retards playing grab-ass to me. Besides you'll never..." Mandy was knocked over and into the ring of runners by another large wave. She stood up and spat out sea water while being pushed by the runners who assumed she was joining the race. "Get dry like that." Finished Mandy in annoyed tone. "Oh nonsense, I'm practically dry as a bone already." chuckled the Dodo. Just then, in a flurry of water and whiskers, the white rabbit ran out of the sea and across the beach, into a thick forest. Not wanting to miss her chance, Mandy began to follow the rabbit once more. "I suppose you'll be off then?" asked the Dodo. "Oh well, tootle-pip." As Mandy ran past the pumpkin the Dodo had sailed on she got a wicked idea in her head and stopped dead in her tracks. Acting quickly, Mandy lifted the pumpkin over her head and launched it at the Dodo, knocking him of his perch and into the water with a satisfying splat. Giving herself a satisfied grin before continuing her chase.

Mandy dashed through the thick forest at top speed, trying to both follow the trail left by the white rabbit and ignore her hunger. Panting heavily, she took a seat on a log in a small clearing. After a moment of catching her breath she could once again hear the faint cries of "_OH DEAR, OH MY FURR AND WHISKERS_" echoing through the trees, but she was unsure of where it had come from. In desperation, Mandy began to search for any clues pointing in the rabbits direction. Mandy's focus in this task was so powerful, that she was unable to notice that she was being watched the whole time.

"Where the hell did he go?" she wondered aloud as the eye's drifted towards her. She searched the the foliage for any hint, a whisker, some fabric, or a button. _Pay dirt_ she thought as she uncovered a small patch of white fur clinging to a thistle bush, followed by a trail of crushed grass and broken twigs. Instantly Mandy took off in full stride, pumping her arms as hard as she could to make up for the time she had lost. However, she was only running for a moment before she hit some thing hard and hit the ground even harder.

Sitting herself up Mandy could see two fat, doe-eyed, man children with messy red hair standing over her. "Greetings, I am Tweedle Dumb." said the twin on the left cheerfully. "And contrary-wise, I am Tweedle Dee." said the equally chipper twin on the right. "It's a pleasure to meet you." they both stated in unison." Mandy simply rose to her feet, dusted herself off, and calmly said "Get the hell out of my way" before pushing the aside and continuing down the path. "Oh, but you can't leave just yet." said Tweedle Dee as the each grabbed one of her arms and pulled her back. "That's right. The visits only just begun." continued Tweedle Dumb. Mandy began to rub her temples in frustration, "Why do red-headed retards always want to spend time with me?" she asked herself. "Listen," continued Mandy, attempting to be more rational "I'm kinda in a hurry." "Why?" asked the twins. "Because I'm chasing a white rabbit." she replied, only just now realizing how odd the whole thing sounded. "Why?" asked the twins again. "Because I'm curious." replied Mandy in an annoyed tone. Once again Mandy pushed aside the pair of half-wits and attempted to leave, half expecting to be pulled back again. "The Oysters were curious too." said Tweedle Dumb, a stream of running down his plump cheeks. "Oh, how the suffered."

continued Tweedle Dee between sniffles. Mandy stopped in her tracks. Of the many things that Mandy enjoyed, the suffering of others was high on the list. "What do you mean by that?" she asked, grinning with anticipation. "Oh, you wouldn't be interested." answered Tweedle Dee. "That's right, you're in much to big of a hurry." continued Tweedle Dumb. Both of them had stopped crying as though someone had hit an off switch. "Fine, don't tell me." Mandy responded, she was in no mood to be dealing with them. "Alright, ya talked us into it." stated the twins in unison, as they grabbed her and sat her down on a log.

"Ahem," Tweedle Dee cleared his through "The Walrus and The Carpenter". "Or" continued Tweedle Dumb "The Tale of the Curious Oysters."

_The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all its might!_

_It did it's very best to make the billows smooth and bright!_

_And this is odd because it was..._

_The Middle of the night!_

_The Walrus and the Carpenter were walking close at hand!_

_The Beach was wide from side to side but much to full of sand!_

"_Mr. Walrus" said the Carpenter "My brain begins to perk"_

"_We'll sweep this clear in half a year. If you don't mind the work."_

"_Work. The time has come" the Walrus said "To speak of other things"_

"_Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, and cabbages, and kings"_

"_And why the sea is boiling hot, and weather pigs have wings"_

"_Callooh Callay no work today, Were cabbages and kings"_

"_Little Oysters, come and walk with us. The day is warm and bright"_

"_A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk would be a shier delight"_

"_And should we get hungry on the way we'll stop to have a bite"_

_But Mother Oyster winked her eye and shook her heavy head_

_She knew too well this was no time to leave her oyster bed_

"_The sea is nice, take my advice and stay right her" mum said_

"_Yes, but the time has come" the Walrus said "to speak of other things"_

"_Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, of cabbages, and kings"_

"_And why the sea is boiling hot, and weather pigs have wings"_

"_Callooh Callay come run away. We're the cabbages and kings"_

_(flute solo)_

"_Now let me see. A LOAF OF BREAD" the walrus said "Is what we chiefly need."_

"_How bout some salt, pepper, n vinniger eh?"_

"_Yes, yes, very good indeed"_

"_Now if you're ready, oysters dear, we can begin to feed"_

"_The time has come my little friends to talk of food and things"_

"_Of pepper corn, and mustard seed, and other seasonings. We'll mix 'em all together in a sauce that's fit for kings. Callooh Callay we'll eat today. Like cabbages and kings."_

"_I weep for you, I deeply sympathize, for I've enjoyed your company much more than you realize"_

"_Little oysters, Little oysters" but answer there came none_

_and this was scarcely odd because,_

_They'd been eaten, every one._

"_THE TIME HAS COME!"_

_Were cabbages and kings._

"So what did you think?" the brainless dopes asked. "Not enough misery or suffering." she stated dully "And I HATE musical numbers." she added with an extra bit of bite. "Oh, but didn't you like how it was sunny at night?" Tweedle Dumb asked in a hopeful tone. "No.", The words pierced Tweedle Dumb like a knife. "In fact, whoever wrote that trash should be dragged out behind a shed, and shot." Mandy finished, enjoying the steady flow of tears pouring from Tweedle Dumbs eyes. "You've done it now." Stated an angered Tweedle Dee, wagging a finger in Mandy's face "You've made my little brother cry." Before he could continue to scold her, Mandy quickly grabbed his hand and squeezed hard. With a sickening crack Tweed Dee fell to his knees, wincing in pain. "MY HAND!" he screeched through the tears "I think you've broken it." Mandy continued past the, now defeated, man-children. "I don't have time to waste on you. You both remind me far to much of an idiot I have to deal with back home." With a final lashing of her sharp tongue, Mandy continued down the trail. She was finally back on track to finding the white rabbit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Notes: **Hey everyone, Numbuh Lucky 7 here. Sorry I haven't been updating, my reasons are as follows. School, family issues, My friend has gotten me into Naruto, and I've recently gotten a 360. However, I am putting my foot down. I am going to try and update at least twice a month, I'm gonna shoot for once a weak, but 2 a month is my base line. Yes, this means I will have to stop myself from playing Pokemon White when it comes out. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed for there support. Also, I forgot to give chapter 2 a tittle. So well just call it... bob.

**Chapter 3: Mind and Body Altering Substances**

After walking for what had seemed like hours, Mandy found herself in a large clearing in the center of

the woods. She sat down beneath a towering oak tree to rest from her miniature marathon, whilst surveying the landscape. There were multiple thatched roof cottages dotted throughout the clearing, and the occasional pine tree could be seen. Scattered throughout the whole area was a multitude of different flowers, each one more ravishing then the last. The grass was the perfect shade of green, and the wind danced majestically through the trees, softly caressing Mandy's skin as a drifted by. And standing squarely in the center of the field, amongst all of the wondrous beauty in the clearing, was a house. The house in question was roughly twice the size of any of the cottages, and was surrounded by white picket fence. The outer walls had been painted a creamy white, whilst the window and door frames had been painted a deep burgundy. Beside the house was a gorgeous garden, overflowing with all manner of ripe fruits and vegetables. The beauty if the clearing was almost enough to melt Mandy's icy demeanor. Oh, who am I kidding, of course it wasn't. In truth, it was as vapid as watching Billy stick his tongue in electrical outlets. To Mandy, the meadow was simply mundane.

Mandy had just about caught her breath, when she noticed something odd. What looked like a pair of trousers flew out of the window of the large house. They were soon after followed by a shirt, a brush, and a kitchen sink. Once again her curiosity had gotten the better of her. _I'll bite, what the hells going on_ the thought. The fatigued teen stood up and began walking briskly towards the house. As she walked, many thoughts raced through her mind. Where had the rabbit gone? Had she lost him? Did she have any hope of finding him again? What was her mother making for dinner? No, not that. She would not, nay, could not allow her hunger to dominate her now. She had been through much worse, and would never allow herself to show any symptoms of weakness.

When she finally arrived at the house, she was greeted by the answer to her first three questions. The white rabbit emerged from the house closely observing his watch, and mumbling to himself. "No time, no time at all. All have to leave without... Omph!" the oblivious creature collided with the girl and hit the ground with a large thud. After a few seconds, the rabbit climbed onto his feet. Holding his head in one hand, and cradling the watch with the other, he scanned his surroundings through glazed over eyes. "What? Where?" he asked groggily before setting his sights on his hands. "My gloves! My gloves! WHERE ARE MY GLOVES?" the rabbit shrieked hoarsely, before darting back into his house. Clearly, he had forgotten his own monolog from seconds ago. By the time the door slammed shut, Mandy was staring at the empty space that the rabbit inhabited only seconds ago. All of it had happened so fast that she could only stand there dumfounded, arms at her side, and mouth partially agape. Pushing the mild confusion from her mind, Mandy walked across the cobblestone walkway and entered through the large red door. She had never cared much for meaningless formalities, like private property for example.

Mandy found herself in a well lit brown room that reminded her far too much of the the hallway that had brought her for her own good. Immediately the memories of that wretched weightless feeling came rushing back, making her feel slightly nauseous. To her left, she noticed a flight of stairs leading to a white door, behind which, she could hear a muffled thumping. After climbing the stairs and entering through the door, Mandy could see that she had entered a small bedroom with periwinkle walls, and a hardwood floor. The rabbit was standing across the room with his back turned to her, ravenously searching through a dresser drawer. He dug through the box like a demon, tossing articles of cloths haphazardly over his shoulders, before ripping out and throwing the drawer itself, and moving onto another. "What the hell are you doing?" Mandy asked dryly, forbidding any hint of emotion from altering her dull expression, even as the rabbit speedily turned to face her.

"Where are you, and who are you going? I mean, When am I, and where are you doing? I mean. I mean. OH NEVER MIND!" said the flustered creature in surrender. "What dose it matter anyways? I can't find my gloves." the rabbit said glumly "The Queen will have my head for sure." "You mean these gloves?" Mandy asked dully, pointing to a pair of white silk gloves, sitting neatly folded on a stool. "Oh my stars and garders, thank you!" cried that rabbit gleefully, tears of joy streaming from his eyes. _How can a rabbit have such shitty vision_ Mandy thought, as the rabbit slipped on his formal hand ware. "Oh please take a tart, as my thanks for saving my neck." said the rabbit, who was now FAR to close for comfort, producing a tray of pastries from seemingly nowhere. Mandy swiftly grabbed the tarts and began to devour them greedily, savoring each bite as though it would be her last. Soon there was nothing left on the heart shaped tray but crumbs and small drops of jam. Mandy honestly couldn't remember how long it had been since she had eaten something so good, she felt amazing. She felt full, and satisfied, and... strange. _Oh god, not again_ she thought, as her body began to grow in size, sending the poor rabbit into a tizzy. "MONSTER!" screamed the rabbit in terror as he fled from his own house.

By now, Mandy's body had filled the whole house. Her arms and legs protruding from windows on the second and third floors respectively, and her head remained trapped in the white rabbits bedroom. The rabbit in question was standing on his front lawn, shaking his fist and shouting rude remarks at the now giant teen. "Oh, this day just gos from bad to worst." stated the rabbit to himself, in a mixture of sorrow and anger. Then the rabbit noticed something. Archibald P. Dodo was walking past the house, on a dirt road that hadn't been there before, picking bits of pumpkin out of his feathers. "Dodo, DODO!" called the rabbit, "Dodo I need your help." "Well certainly my fine furry friend." replied the chipper bird, "Now what seems to be the trouble?" "Well. I need to know how to deal with that." said the rabbit, pointing a finger at Mandy, who could be seen glaring daggers at them through the window. "Oh, um, well" the dodo stammered, a slight blush appearing under his feathers "When a man and a woman love each other very much, the man-" "NOT THAT YOU PILLIC!" shouted the rabbit, cutting the dodo off "I just need to get that monster out of my house." "Oooh." replied the dodo, just now realizing the obvious, "Well, that's an entirely different procedure all together." The captain stroked the base of his beak. "Let me think." said the dodo, continuing to stroke his beak, "What we need is a, a. A lizard with a ladder." stated the dodo in a matter of fact sort of tone, and giving his fingers a snap. Like clockwork, a young lizard, wearing a brown vest and a snazzy hat and carrying a long ladder, came whistling around the corner. "Bill, just the boy I wanted to see." said the dodo as grabbed the lizard and pulled him into the yard. "Oh, evenin govner" greeted the lizard in a cockney accent, "What seems ta be da trouble?" "Oh it's nothing really." chuckled the dodo "Er, that is to say, it's nothing a man of your... _assets_ couldn't handle." "Right then, glad to be of service." declared the the lizard happily. "Good, good." said the dodo, propping up the ladder and watching Bill begin to climb, "You just pop in through the chimney and pull that monster out." "Right, I'll just go- MONSTER?" shouted Bill in realization as a began dashing down the ladder, before being stopped in his tracks by dodo. "Bill, you should be ashamed of yourself." declared the dodo, who was now carrying a still shaking Bill up the ladder. "I should?" Bill replied. "Yes, you're passing up a golden opportunity." returned the dodo. "I am?" replied Bill. "Oh yes, you could be hero." "I could?" answered Bill, who was now just a bit excited by his quest. "Yes Bill, you could." said the dodo, who by now had arrived at the chimney with Bill, "Now go down there, wrap your tail around the blighters throat, an drag her out." Dodo began stuffing Bill into the chimney, as the dopey lizard screamed in protest. After a few minutes of struggling, dodo succeeded in pushing Bill down the chimney with a loud pop. The moment Bill landed in the fireplace, his head sprung back and hit the wall with a sickening crack. The young lizards body went limp, as he faded into unconsciousness. "Poor Bill." added Mandy sarcastically.

After a moment or so of Bills absence, the white rabbit and the dodo agreed that there plan must have failed. "Poor bloke, he was the best shoe shiner I ever had the pleasure of knowing." stated the dodo in mock sadness. "He was the only shoe shiner you knew." responded the rabbit, not even attempting to sound sad, "Now, how are we going to get this beast out of my house?" "Well, I believe the situation calls for drastic measures." stated the dodo, pulling his pipe from his pocket. "I know I'll hate myself for asking but, what do you mean?" replied the rabbit, who was visibly shaken by the phrase _drastic measures_. "Well, we could... no. There is... no." mumbled the dodo attempting to lite a match for his pipe "We could try... oh, but where would we get a duck at this hour. Hmm." The match burst to flames, "By jove I've got it!" shouted the the dodo excitedly, startling the rabbit slightly "We'll simply burn the house down."Yes, yes, burn the house- WHAT!" the rabbit responded, "YOU CAN'T BURN MY POOR HOUSE DOWN!" "Now, now, let's be rational about this." said the dodo reassuringly, "It's the quickest way to remove the bounder."

Inside the house, Mandy continued to think about how she could get out of this predicament. Her mind racing faster after overhearing the conversation taking place outside, after all, she hadn't come all this way just to roasted alive. Thinking back to how she had come to be in this state, it suddenly dawned on her. _Of course, why didn't I think of it before_ she thought to herself. "Eating things in this would makes you change sizes." she said to herself, "So if I eat something, I'll either shrink down to my normal size, or grow large enough to break out of this house." Remembering the garden next to the house, Mandy began to feel around for some kind of food. The white rabbit, who had overheard Mandy's sudden realization, immediately ran to protect his garden. Leaving dodo to collect kindling on his own, and by kindling I mean the rabbits wooden furniture that had been pushed outside by Mandy's sudden expansion. "Get away from my garden you fiend!" shouted the rabbit, hunching over a carrot and grabbing it for protection. The rabbit was then lifted from the ground by the colossal teen and taken in through the window to face her, taking his carrot with him. Waving the vegetable in Mandy's face, the rabbit issued his threat. "Now see here. Unhand me you wretched monster." Mandy made a bit the the carrot, taking the rabbits hand off along with it. The rabbit screamed in anguish as it was flung out the window by the, now shrinking teen.

The rabbit landed in his yard with a thump, still shouting and holding his spurting wrist stump. Immediately the dodo rushed to help him. "Spot of bad luck, a what." said the dodo, "Well, no worries. Just give me a moment and I'll have that hand, er, wrist bandaged up in no time." "Time." replied the rabbit, swiftly checking his watch with his right hand, well, only hand now. "OH MY FURR AND WHISKERS, I'M LATE!" shouted the rabbit, completely ignoring his present injury. "If I'm late she'll take of something far worst than my hand!" finished the rabbit before he finally dashed out of his yard and into the forest. Emerging from the house, Mandy was now about two inches tall and spattered with blood. She swiftly dashed after the rabbit, pausing only to tell the dodo to go fuck himself for asking if she had a match. "No cooperation, no cooperation at all." the dodo mumbled to himself, attempting to start a fire with two sticks. Running at top speed, Mandy disappeared into the tall grass, hot on the trail of the white rabbit.

**End of chapter 3**

So, has my writing gotten better or worst in my hiatus? You be the judge.

New chapter coming next week, hopefully sooner.

**Fun Facts**

The white rabbit saying "Oh my stars and garders" is a reference to the Billy and Mandy episode _Keeper of the Reaper_. It is said by Billy's mother (she may very well have said it in other episodes, but this is the only time I can remember).

For those who don't know, Bill has made appearances in other Disney films, such as "The Great Mouse Detective" and "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?".


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Notes: **Look, LOOK, see how quickly I updated again. I am sure that this pace will in no way slow down at any time (obvious sarcasm is obvious). In the last chapter I mentioned that Bill shows up in other films, for those interested in the specifics: he's in Ratigan's gang in "The Great Mouse Detective", and is seen helping someone with a ladder (how ironic) in the beginning of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?". Also, don't know where the tittle came from, (I mean the reference is obvious, but) I was tired, it sounded okay at the time, and I couldn't think of anything else. You'll also be glad to know that I wont be writing out the sing along, granted I like the song, but I feel a little ashamed for writing out "The Walrus and the Carpenter" in chapter 2. Finally, I'd like to give a shout out to **DragonSoul Prod** who recently started doing a little fic called "Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy: Lost Episodes", it's pretty good so check it out if you like the sound of it. Well, that's enough of my ramblings, ON WITH THE SHOW, er, chapter.

**Chapter 4: Clock, Stock, and Two Smoking Hookahs **

Mandy had walked until her legs were sore and throbbing. It had felt like days since she had left the rabbits yard, when in fact, it had only been about an hour. Looking up, she could see the branches and leaves of trees off in the distance. Evidently, she had made it back to the forest. Walking in the shade of the branches kept the exhausted teen cool. It was almost relieving to be free of the Endsville heatwave. It would have been perfect if she wasn't in this idiotic place. Glancing around, Mandy noticed that she was now strolling through a flower patch. Any other person would have been astounded by the gorgeously colored plants, any person other than Mandy. Suddenly, something strange fluttered past her face. A thin insect, with large wings made of sliced bread smeared with butter. The faint aroma wafting from the delicate creature sent her stomach into a fit of rumbles, and was almost enough to distract her from her confusion. Almost. "Is that, a butterfly?" she wondered aloud to herself, weary from hunger. "A bread-and-butterfly." answered a mysterious voice, shocking Mandy for a moment. _Great,_ thought Mandy, her trademark scowl once again resurfacing, _Now I'm hearing things_. Soon, yet another winged pest buzzed past Mandy's gaze. A small rocking horse, adorned with dragonfly wings. "Oh, let me guess." she said dryly, "A rocking-horsefly." "Naturally." responded the voice yet again. Mandy, now convinced that she was not going crazy, now began to feel enraged at the prospect of being unable to see her new guest. "Alright, who's out there?" asked Mandy, her rage now beginning to fester within her, "Show yourself!" "Why, we never tried to hide ourselves, dear." said a tall rose sweetly, bending over and getting closer to Mandy. "That's right." stated a group of violets in perfect unison, "We're all out in the open." "Some of us, more than others." continued a rather posh sounding orchid. Mandy watched as all around her as multiple flowers sprung to life, engaging in a cacophony of chatter. Whilst most people would be filled with wonder after witnessing such a miracle, Mandy only began to fill with annoyance. Much like any other encounter she had experienced since entering this strange world.

Focusing intently, Mandy was able to decipher exactly what the strange plants were discussing. They were attempting to decide what song to sing... for her? "Now girls, let's all calm down!" declared the rose, "Let's just sing _The Golden Afternoon_." "That one's about all of us." continued the rose, giving Mandy a wink. The flowers began there singing exercises, cluttering the air with fa-la-la's and do-re-me's, making Mandy cringe. _If I ever get of her I'll never mock the schools quire again_ she thought, desperate to escape the onslaught of noise. Then, as though her wish had been granted, the noise ceased. The flowers had finished practice and were now ready to sing. With a wave of the roses leaf the flowers began, a golden voice echoing from the, er, stem of each and every one. High notes and low notes, sharp notes and soft notes. Notes of all manner danced expertly through the air. Truly it was a feast for the ears. Sadly, Mandy was far from impressed. "What sort of overly sappy bullshit is this?" she asked herself quietly, "It's like I've been trapped in poorly written Disney film." However, much to her chagrin, the flowers continued on. Oblivious to the girls protest.

Soon the flowers had finished there performance and turned there attention to Mandy, each one expecting rave reviews. "Well?" asked the orchid excitedly. "Well, what." replied Mandy bitterly, none to happy about the drivel she had been forced to endure. "What did you think of the song?" asked the rose, just as eager to hear Mandy's opinion. "You all have the talent and musical senses of Justin Bieber." Mandy stated smugly, certain that the verbal lashing she had just doled out would leave them weeping. "Jus tin be ber?" asked a puzzled flower. "Never herd of her." added another. "Well whoever she is, she must have talent." stated a third flower. "She must have liked is!" declared the final plant. All the flowers seemed content with the comment. Mandy pinched the bridge of her nose (yes, she has a nose), annoyed by the flowers oblivion to her obvious insult. After the plants had all settled down and regained there composer, they once again turned there attention to Mandy. This time in hopes of polite conversation. "Now, what manner of species, or should we genus, are you?" the rose asked politely. "I'm not one." she stated bluntly, sending the plants into a fit of murmurs. "Not a genus?" "Now that you mention it, she doesn't look like any flower I've seen." "Actually, she doesn't look anything like a flower at all." "She doesn't have a scent." Mandy was surrounded by accusations. Slowly her temper continued to build inside her. She couldn't believe that these plants were talking about her as though she weren't there. They were being completely disrespectful, and that was Mandy's job. "No scent or petals." "Her tops yellow too." "She look similar to a dandelion." "Could she be?" "She couldn't." She must be!" the chatter continued. "She's a weed!" the flowers shouted alarmingly. Mandy opened her mouth, about to protest to the heinous accusations, when the plants began to shove her around. They pushed her every which way, passing her back and forth. "Get out!" "Shoo!" "Go away!" "We don't want weeds in our bed!" the flowers mocked her. As Mandy fell to her hands and knees at the edge of the flowerbed, she felt her anger reaching it's breaking point. "Listen here you tone def pricks!" she warned, her voice low but commanding. "Enjoy the time you have left, but I WILL have my revenge!" she continued, some of the smaller flowers giggling at the enraged teen, "You will all know the wrath of Mandy!" She shot the rose, the obvious leader of the group, a final piercing glare before storming off deeper into the forest.

After a few minutes of walking, Mandy happened across another phenomenon. Tiny, colored clouds drifted over head, down below the blades of grass. Her curiosity still controlling her mind, despite all of her less-than-amusing misadventures, she decided to follow the clouds to there source. As she neared the origin of the clouds, she could hear a faint... singing? No, it couldn't be singing. Singing implies a musical tune, and if... THAT qualifies as a tune then Billy's chocolate dipped pickles qualified as food. As she came closer, she could make out the words. Well, words isn't exactly right. The person in question was naming off vowels, seemingly at random. Eventually, Mandy arrived at the source of the strange clouds. A tall blue caterpillar (well, tall compared to her) was reclining on glowing pink toadstool, smoking a hookah. Mandy took notice of the calm, glazed-over expression on his face. She also noticed that each time he exhaled, the smoke was a different color. After a few moments, the insect took notice of the teenage girl who had been watching him. "WHO. ARE. YOU?" asked the caterpillar slowly, a green cloud of smoke wafting from his mouth. Mandy just stood there, staring at the creature with disdain. "WHO. ARE." "I heard you the first time." Mandy said, interrupting the caterpillar. "THEN. WHY. DIDN'T. YOU. ANSWER?" asked the caterpillar, taking another puff. "I didn't feel like it." she answered, staring deep into his unfocused eyes. "WHY?" asked the bug, blowing a puff of smoke into the girls face. "Because," Mandy began, coughing all the while, "when you ask someones name, you should introduce yourself first." "WHY?" asked the caterpillar yet again, riding Mandy's last nerve. "THATS IT!" Mandy shouted, making no effort to control the volume of her voice, before storming off. "I've had it with this place!" she said aloud to herself, "At least in Endsville I only have to deal with one idiot!" "I don't care about finding the rabbit anymore, I'm tired of nothing making sense!" she continued, her scowl now intense enough to burn through steel, "And if I hear one more musical number, I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL..." "YOU THERE! GIRL! COME BACK!" shouted the caterpillar, "I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU!"

After a few minutes of trudging through the (very) tall grass, Mandy once again stood in front of the intoxicated creature, glaring at him coldly and tapping her foot. "KEEP. YOUR. TEMPER." said the bug calmly. "IS THAT ALL!" responded the young girl. Despite her previous outburst, Mandy's rage was still at its bursting point, prompting a vein to appear on her forehead. "NO." said the insect bluntly, a purple cloud unfurling from his mouth, "ONE. SIDE. WILL. MAKE. YOU. GROW. TALLER." "One side of what.?" asked the teen angrily, her forehead vein beginning to throb wildly, as she jumped onto the toadstool. "AND. THE. OTHER. SIDE. WILL. MAKE. YOU. GROW. SHORTER." "THE OTHER SIDE OF WHAT!" she shouted, picking up the hookah and shattering it over the bugs head. When the smoke cleared, all that was left where the caterpillar had been was some broken glass and a lump of silky blue material. "THE. TOADSTOOL. OF CORSE." called the caterpillar, who was now a beautiful butterfly, from up in the air. Mandy pulled off a sizable chunk from each side of the fungus. Mandy considered the possible outcomes of eating either pile. Would she actually return to her normal size? Would she shrink until she was nothing? Had the caterpillar lied to her? Would she be poisoned by eating such things? Would ANYTHING even happen? She thought each question over carefully before deciding "Fuck it. Its not like I have anything to loose." Taking a bite out of the left piece, she began to grow taller and taller. So tall that tree branches began to scratch her head and arms. Soon, her head was just above the tree tops, a nest of eggs having been knocked out of a tree were now resting on her head. "Serpent, SERPENT!" shrieked a white crow in a blue bonnet, coming face-to-face with the girl. "I'm no serpent you feathered freak." stated Mandy dryly, whilst crossing her arms "I'm just a girl." "HA. You're just a girl, are you?" said the bird sarcastically, "and I suppose you don't eat eggs either." "Fine. You want a snake?" began Mandy as she closed her hands around the crow, its protesting screams muffled by the girls hands, "How about a constrictor?" The bird writhed in agony as Mandy squeezed the life from it, screaming in vain for help. Suddenly, the birds cries ended with a sickening crack, and the feathered form went limp in her hands. Knocking the nest from her head, and allowing the corps to drop to the ground, Mandy licked the right piece of fungus.

Soon Mandy was back to her normal height, deciding that it would be easier to find her way out of this world if she wasn't tripping over trees. Soon, a familiar figure fluttered up to her, a little blue butterfly. "See." squeaked the insect, "I. Told. You. It. Would. Work." Without thinking, Mandy reached out with the speed of lighting and grabbed the butterfly. She slowly tore his left wing from his body as he squeaked in anguish, before tossing both pieces onto the grass. Glancing around, Mandy noticed another familiar sight, a patch of land filled with colorful flowers. As she approached the flower bed, Mandy did something she hadn't done since she set foot in the bazaar world. She smiled... because she had a wonderful idea.

**END CHAPTER 4**

My apologies if the caterpillar scene seemed rushed. I spent a whole day not knowing how to write it, I finally forced myself to write it. It's not nearly as good as I'd like it to be, but I couldn't think of another way to write it. I didn't really like how this chapter turned out, but now I can move on to bigger (pun intended) and better things.

**Fun Facts:**

My friend Miranda is convinced that she knows what exactly is in the caterpillars hookah. Cocain and food-coloring.

Billy's chocolate dipped pickles originate from the episode "Reap Walking", which is one of the weirder episodes in my opinion.

One of my gym teachers used to work at a YMCA that Justin Bieber went to, and, infact taught him there. His opinion on Justin. He's a little prick. Don't know about you, but I totally saw it coming.

Green and Purple, the two stated (not just implied) colors of drug smoke, are actually my favorite colors. This was not done intentionally.

Mandy doesn't fuck around.


End file.
